thoughts on the way to the supermarket

[asakiyume]

I'm going to be away this weekend, when I'd normally post, so I'm putting a little something up now.

... My students this time around (this is the second cohort; the first group graduated in June) like to get me to Google things for them, and I like doing it, but one student asked me for information on stress reduction, and oh man, no quick and cute list of things is going to do it for you, my friend. I was pondering this as I walked to the supermarket this morning. About how easy quick recipes are to give out--and it's not even that they're not accurate, necessarily; yes, deep breaths do help relieve stress--but how insufficient they are. We--by which I mean all of us--need so much more. We don't need a list. We need someone to sit with us, someone to lean on; we need the impossible sometimes, because it's more than the parched world we live in can give to us, let alone any particular person.

But we can make it. Many of us do, day after day, through a patched-together, makeshift system; we make ourselves stronger and also we rely on others, multiple others, and somehow we go forward, and meanwhile, we're also providing support for others; we're part of *their* patched-together, makeshift system. It's all the blind leading the blind--that's how it works.

I'll still try to find her some tips, though.

Comments

[amaebi]

I admire your resolute ability to give your imprisoned students what will help them within that system, which imposes such costs.

Say, have you read any of the articles about how firms these days urge employees to self-care instead of offering medical benefits or altering their systems to produce less abuse and stress?

[asakiyume]

I do what I can ...

Regarding your question, no, I hadn't read any of those articles, though I've heard about the phenomenon as a thing, a cynical thing. Some things, I feel like I get the gestalt of it pretty much from one sentence "Companies are urging self-care instead of offering healthcare or altering their systems," and reading an article seems like an exercise in misery.

[amaebi]

Yeah, I didn't really read more than the headlines of most of those.

[minoanmiss]

*aagrees*

[elbren]

the only stress-reduction technique i've found with any significant long-term effect is "care less".

[asakiyume]

That does help, for sure, and it doesn't need to mean apathy or withdrawal (though it can).

[elbren]

especially for people, like me, starting from a pretty anxious baseline, it can work pretty well

[sartorias]

I hope you tell her exactly what you wrote here, especially this: and meanwhile, we're also providing support for others; we're part of *their* patched-together, makeshift system.

[asakiyume]

Maybe I will, though I have reservations--I hate, I don't know, preaching? In in the meantime I actually found a booklet that does seem helpful, and I've printed it out.

[wayfaringwordhack]

About how easy quick recipes are to give out--and it's not even that they're not accurate, necessarily; yes, deep breaths do help relieve stress--but how insufficient they are.

I have found that I can use a "quick tip" and get results, but for some reason, the tips fall out of season/favor with me, and I have to relearn stuff. After a trying period, where all my good resolutions and habits get knocked out of whack, I have to spend a lot of time getting back to that place where I can cope well. Seems silly that one could forget the good and successful times and ways, and yet I do.

I hope you can help the student who was asking.

[asakiyume]

No, I think that's how it is. That's how it is for me, anyway. When I was teaching the last group, one way I calmed myself down was listening to a certain sort of music; this time around, that's not working. So, yeah.

I found this, which seems very good. I've printed out most of it.

[missroserose]

Just fyi, a good friend of mine was having severe anxiety yesterday, and I sent him this post and he said it was really lovely.

Something that's working for me right now is the mantra "your attention dictates your experience". Which I think is similar to the "care less", above—it's not that I'm apathetic, it's that I understand that my attention and care are limited resources, and I'm going to be far happier and more capable if I spend them in areas where I feel like I have some measurable effect on the outcome.

I can only imagine that'd be much harder to do in prison, where you're at the mercy of a system set up to remove control over your life...

[asakiyume]

Thank you so much for this, both for the story of your friend, which makes me really happy, and also for what you say about attention dictating experience. I really need to remember this; I think if I do, I'll be happier and also able to do more for others.

And YES re: the prison system.

[rachelmanija]

True, but you giving her tips isn't just the tips: it's also you giving her kindness and support and a shoulder to lean on.

[asakiyume]

You're so right, and I don't want to lose sight of that. I hope that part does transmit...

In the event, I did find what looks to be a good resource, too. I plan to use it myself, heh.