Two encounters

[asakiyume]

A few days ago I went in to the nearby supermarket. I went to one cashier whom I like--we always chat a little. She's maybe in her thirties? You won't be able to tell from my sketch, though I'm pleased because it does kind of look like her. She has pretty intense cheekbones.

Anyway, it had been a few days since I'd been in, and when she saw me, she smiled and said, "Good to see you! I haven't seen you in a while!"

This made me so very happy.

Which is just to say, little friendships, or whatever you want to call them--friendly acquaintanceships--can make a difference.



The other encounter was at a Dunkin Donuts. I was waiting in line, and at last it was my turn to order.

"You were the last, but now you're first," the manager said. (He was taking the orders.)

"Wow, like in the Bible," I said.

He gave me a look full of great skepticism. Not sure where the skepticism was aimed but .... anyway, the coffee was great.

Tune in next entry for a very cool poem I heard this morning.

Comments

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

That's awesome!

I love it when people notice that I'm a regular. It makes me feel good.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Tiny friendlinesses are like the opposite of microaggression --they nurture and brighten you.

And yeah, it's nice to be remembered.

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

It's probably why I have favorite restaurants/cafes/coffeeshops where I go to eat/write. People know me, know why I'm writing, and always welcome me with a smile.

[wuweibaby.livejournal.com]

I seem to have several of those. They are, indeed, good for the heart <3

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you have these too <3

[duccio.livejournal.com]

It wasn't skepticism; you're a poet, he dunks donuts.

I wish I shopped at your market; she of the conveyer and projecting cheekbones is a strikingly signature beauty!

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

She is very pretty!

[purplefigtree.livejournal.com]

"Wow, like in the Bible," I said.

Suddenly very profound! He may not have been expecting that :)

It's nice to feel like you're known and have a connection to people, even a small one.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Yeah, maybe that's what it was.

I'm glad for it--that amount of being known feels pretty good.

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

As for the Bible thing: I doubt he recognized the reference-- and the word "Bible" can have a whole lot of unsavoury associations.

For the encounters:
My perspective may have become overly bleak. It has certainly become bleaker in the past year, two years, several years. I find myself thinking how rare it is to be looked at, actually looked at, and kindly, as a fellow-being of standing in one's world.
So many seem to view most humans they encounter as functionaries to serve as promoters or suppliers in their fascinating first-person lives.

It is a great gift. It doesn't strike me as very costly. But it is shockingly rare.

[browngirl.livejournal.com]

This is what I try my hardest to do at work, because people need it. To look at everyone as an individual person with whom I'm interacting.

ALSO one of these days I'm going to write a novel about this experience of little lovely friendships. I have it all plotted, about a Minoan girl's recovery from tragedy to life, including a friendship lie this with a stonemason. One of these days...

"I was a right wing child star"

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

I think you're very successful.

Re: "I was a right wing child star"

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Your subject line... it comes from a blog post by the Two-Dollar Challenge guy, doesn't it?

Re: "I was a right wing child star"

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

Whoops. It was an inadvertent title-- now that comment titles are back the space keeps grabbing for subjects from posts on my own LJ, often from way back. In this case it came from a Salon column (http://www.salon.com/2012/07/08/i_was_a_right_wing_child_star/) by Jonathan Krohn.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

What you do for people is a real blessing. You're literally spreading joy. I feel huge thankfulness and relief thinking of you and how you brighten people's lives when things are likely very grim for them.

Also, that novel sounds *awesome*

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Maybe you're right about the Bible thing--maybe it seemed like I was just randomly dropping Bible into things (which I'd look askance at too, probably).

I'm thinking about what you say about it being rare to be really seen. These days I find myself getting anxious when I think about these receiving things: being seen, being liked, being understood, being loved. I feel anxious (for myself, or for others who tell me their unhappinesses related to these things) because it's not something that the object of the seeing, liking, understanding, or loving has much control over. (We have some control, but there's no way our actions can guarantee us these things in a way that satisfies us.) So, I try to console myself with seeing, liking, understanding, and loving, because those *are* things I have control over and can do. Even when I'm feeling lonely and not understood, I get diverted and end up more cheerful when I'm seeing, liking, understanding, loving (or trying to do those things--with understanding you can be trying to understand but not necessarily accomplishing it). But it's something that's very hard to urge other people to, because it comes off priggish (or is priggish?), and because when a person is hurting from being unseen, unliked, etc., it's often the last thing they want to hear.

But, apart from all that, yeah, I feel very humbly lucky. It's a great gift. Her seeing me really made me happy, and I wish that experience for everyone.

Okay, quite dijointed

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

We live in a funny world. In personal relations we value what we call charisma, without recognizing that that's a gift that is socially bestowed, not simply radiance out of a person.

And we tend to pretend that the treatment people receive is what they have made for themselves, though that's not consistent when you apply it to everyone.

And we are so hungry, so social, and so disparate in what we need-- how much of what. And perhaps not all those hungers are "legitimate."

Certainly not all we need is gifted to us, for most of us, at least some of the time.

Animals reciprocate better than humans do, and the earth demands no resume to respond to our care.

Re: Okay, quite dijointed

[khiemtran.livejournal.com]

That's interesting. I haven't thought of charisma as being socially bestowed before. I'll have to think about this a bit more.

Re: Okay, quite dijointed

[amaebi.livejournal.com]

Well, not necessarily entirely socially bestowed. But the social bestowal is necessary, if not sufficient.

Re: Okay, quite dijointed

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

The third and fourth of these are the ones that are sparking things for me. In the third, yes, we are social and so hungry, and YES, so disparate in our needs. And what a curse it is to have a one-size-fits-all mentality about meeting needs. And what you say about needs and legitimacy is definitely food for thought, all kinds of thought, as well. And then the fourth--yes. Absolutely true.

[mnfaure.livejournal.com]

Connections, connections... so important--even the ones that "short out." What a beautiful gift it is to let others know they are noticed.

very, very brief connections

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I saw an aunt or grandma or maybe babysitter (she was talking to the young girls with her about "your mother," so she wasn't their mother) picking up sweetgum seed cases for the little girls with her. I remember spray painting these gold and using them as Christmas ornaments when my kids were little, so when our eyes met, I smiled, and she smiled back.

(Here are those sweetgum seed cases--don't they look already like ornaments?)
)

[heliopausa.livejournal.com]

:) Maybe not exactly scepticism, because after all the whole modus operandi of a queue is that the last will gradually move up to be first, so he'd see the last become first quite a lot! :)

But the little friendships are great! I had a brief but very cheerful interaction with a bus driver during the week.
I waved eagerly to the approaching bus...
but a taxi thought I was wanting him, and swerved in, in front of the bus! (oh no!)!
So then I waved desperately to the taxi-driver: negative! negative!
then again to the bus, anxiously (lots of adverbs here! :D ) yes! yes!
and the taxi swung away again, and the bus drew up, with great skill and verve to where I was waiting, and the driver grinned, and saluted me, laughing at me for my doubts and my wild goose-ish waving. :)

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, good point about seeing last become first.

That's funny about the bus and taxi confusion! Good thing your signaling was understood and the bus did stop for you!

[shewhomust.livejournal.com]

He gmve me a look full of great skepticism.

Perhaps he thinks Bob Dyland made it up.

But yes, the small encounters that make a neighbourhood. The sense of being known where you live - not too much, just enough.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Could be--a more proximate source for the quote!

And yes, exactly: not too much, just enough.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Love the top one!

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

It was a warming moment.

[khiemtran.livejournal.com]

Those little contacts are so important! I remember one time when I got new glasses, I was shocked at how many people would acknowledge or smile at me from a distance, and I must have been snubbing them all this time because their faces were just a blur...

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

My husband has said the same thing about not responding to people because their faces were just blurs! Fortunately I think people understand about that.

[oiktirmos.livejournal.com]

"Good to see you! I haven't seen you in a while!"
This made me so very happy.
Good to see you.
Neat drawing.
I would have assumed he was making a deliberate reference to the Bible, as maybe you did.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I don't know whether it was deliberate or not, but it was definitely what jumped into my head.

Glad you like the drawing--and good to see you, too.

[xjenavivex.livejournal.com]

There are several women in my life that make me feel special at McDonald's, Starbucks, Jesse's, Arthur's. They more than act happy to see me. They interact and sincerely care. It has a real and very appreciated impact on my days.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

It has a real and very appreciated impact on my days.

I hear you; I feel the same way.