at the intersection

[asakiyume]

At more and more intersections, especially ones with multiple lanes of traffic, there are people holding up signs saying they're homeless and hungry and asking if you can spare anything. When traffic is moving, cars are speeding by. When traffic is stopped, though, I guess some people must give, otherwise no one would bother asking.

I feel even more conflicted about this form of panhandling than I do about other forms because it seems dangerous, mainly for the person begging, but potentially for others too.

I've never seen anyone give anything to anyone, until yesterday. The light was red. We were in the left lane, right next to the panhandler, but were resolutely ignoring her. (Usually it's a older man there, but yesterday it was a young woman, all bundled up.) Then the car next to us in the right lane honked. The white-haired woman in that car rolled down her window and called to the panhandler, holding out a ziplock bag containing two water bottle and a sleeve of crackers. The panhandler crossed in front of our car to get to the woman with the bag, smiled and thanked her, and walked back to the island between the opposing lanes of traffic, all before the light turned.

That moment of exchange seemed just . . . good. Both women seemed happy. Putting everything else aside--and I know we can't really do that, but--if you ask, it must be consoling, heartening, warming, any number of other good things, to have someone respond. And the older woman didn't just happen to have that stuff in her car; she must have prepared the bag in advance. It must have been wonderful to help someone, even if just in a small way.

Comments

[pdlloyd.livejournal.com]

I grew up with the message that helping panhandlers keeps them on the street. However, I've learned that the forces that put people on the street are much more complex, and sharing a bit with them, when possible, not only doesn't contribute to their misery, but can help to make a difficult day in a difficult life just a tiny bit less miserable. I've learned not to worry about the choices they might make with what I give them.

I can't always provide anything. Unlike the woman with her water bottles and crackers, I'm rarely prepared. Sometimes, I may have some food with me, or some cash. Most of the time, I don't. Sometimes, I can cope with the discomfort of looking someone in the eyes, even when I can't help at that moment, and sometimes I can't. Still, making eye contact, even for a moment, can be a way of acknowledging to someone that they are real, and there's little danger to me in my car.

So, I help when I can, even if that isn't often enough. I try to see people when I can, and let them see me seeing them, when I can. But, it's very much a day to day thing. So, I try not to beat myself up about it, even when I'm not as generous as I wish to be.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing this. I think I've just about arrived at your insights in the first paragraph, and what you say about what you do, now, helps too. I don't think I'll always feel prepared, or able to do anything, but I hope I'll **sometimes** do something. I think that's what I want to reach for, and hearing what you do gives me something to aim for and also a way to not be harsh with myself.

[ivy]

I find that offering food usually goes pretty well. I live in a major city and I eat out at a lot of restaurants. I have myself drilled to get a to-go box for anything I don't eat, and if I see someone hungry on the way home, I tell them what it is and ask if they'd like it. A good 80% of the time, they're really happy to have it. (If I don't find anyone who would like it on the way home, I know my partner will eat it. He eats everything. But we always have enough to eat, and many folks aren't so fortunate, so they get priority.)

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

*nodding*