A Twitter recommendation, plus nonsensical YA fantasy blurbs

[asakiyume]

If you're on Twitter and you haven't discovered it already, I recommend @dystopianYA as an amusing parody account. Here's a typical sequence of tweets:

"They're against the revolution! Change scares people." Anthem says.
"That's dumb. I'm 16 and I can tell right from wrong," I answer.

Anthem and I are the first people from different Categories to ever fall in love.

I changed my mind. I love Ermias now.

On a similar theme, I read a blurb for a YA novel that made no narrative sense. The elements were all sensical, and the grammar was fine, but it didn't hang together. It was as if you took a typical YA blurb and removed the verbs, nouns, and adjectives and then filled it in, Mad Libs style. Kind of like this:

"Deposed princess Ariestella is used to the ghostly petals that follow her everywhere, but when a dragon appears in the nearby canal, only street urchin Thomas can lead the Army of the Free to victory."

See what I mean? You can try:

[adjective] [character type] [name] is [verb], but when [noun] [verb] in [place], only [adjective] [character type] [name] can [verb].

Play along in comments!

Comments

[zenicurean.livejournal.com]

"Malodorous cake golem Feargus has always traversed the Colourless World, but when the The Wise Archaeopteryx plays the grand bagpipe of creation, only dimension-hopping cat person Wolferia von Soul can save the failing eyesight of classical composer Joseph von Haydn."

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

PERFECT
it must be written!

[zenicurean.livejournal.com]

Now that I look at it, I have no idea why I stuck "von" in Haydn's name as well. Or how the Wise Archaeopteryx is supposed to play the grand bagpipe of creation with only wings and no hands.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

The former clearly relates to Haydn's obscure genealogical relationship with Von Helsing, and the latter is the Curse, of course. The Curse of the Handless Bagpipe.

[pjthompson]

Grisly eye merchant apprentice Calebo is restless, but when mutant sheep bleat in Viridiana, only purple soul-patch model Alepha can shut up their ear-splitting cries.

Or does that make too much sense? ;-)

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I think that's good and nonsensical, in a very entertaining way ^_^

[pjthompson]

Excellent. :-D

[rose-lemberg.livejournal.com]

Perfect.

[sovay]

"Malodorous cake golem Feargus has always traversed the Colourless World, but when the The Wise Archaeopteryx plays the grand bagpipe of creation, only dimension-hopping cat person Wolferia von Soul can save the failing eyesight of classical composer Joseph von Haydn."

. . . Honestly, I would probably read that. Dimension-hopping cat person and bagpipe-playing archaeopteryx are two great tastes that should really go together.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Dimension-hopping cat person and bagpipe-playing archaeopteryx are two great tastes that should really go together.

Seriously.

[heleninwales.livejournal.com]

I tried opening the dictionary at random and then choosing the nearest word that vaguely made sense. This resulted in:

"Deadly nanny Marigold is used to competing, but when flames illuminate the church, only monied pontifex Rolf can supplant the lumpish ogre."

This needs some work, but there is definitely the potential to make a blurb generator on these principles. :)

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I love this! Yours comes close to making narrative good sense. I love "monied pontifex Rolf."

[roseneko.livejournal.com]

Me too! Also, "Lumpish Ogre" is my new ska band name.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Ooh, I'm playing on hearing Lumpish Ogre perform in August!

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I have read so many of those!

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Right? It's fun to make up silly (sillier) ones.

[yamamanama.livejournal.com]

[Giant] [space ant] [Antlington] is [invading Earth], but when [rival space cockroaches] [land] in [Laos], only [giant] [laotian huntsman] [Bird-Eater] can [spin webs].

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I like Antlington's name. It's perfect for an invading ant.

[sovay]

I recommend @dystopianYA as an amusing parody account. Here's a typical sequence of tweets

That's brilliant. I'm not sure I need to read another novel in the genre now.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Nope, I think we're good now.

[puddleshark.livejournal.com]

Out-of-work swordsman Hugh de Manquebut haunts the dark streets of Freem, but when tap-dancing mice invade the Co-op, only the eccentric charms of notorious dandy Lord Loupeglas can win the heart of the virtuous Miss Underway


Though possibly this makes far too much sense to qualify.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

No, this is precisely the right brand of incoherent and yet intriguing--each element is fascinating, and they may well all come together in a sense-making way in the story, but in the blurb, they have no relation to one another, so it's a head scratcher.

I really want to read yours, though. Especially for the mice.