the problem with the five-paragraph essay

[asakiyume]

The problem with the five paragraph essay is that it is BORING. Here are two essays from the pre-GED book. First, the "ineffective" one, then the "effective" one.¹ See what you think:


Your car will perform more reliably if you take a few simple steps to prepare it for winter. Change the antifreeze. Make sure there's enough windshield-wiper fluid. You know how messy the roads can get in wintertime. Snow becomes dirty slush, and every time a truck passes you, slush winds up on your windshield. I'm thinking of moving to Florida to avoid the whole hassle.


My husband gave me a shrub for the garden last Mother's Day. It's a hydrangea, and it has the most beautiful blue flowers. We planted it in a spot where I can see it from the living room window. We added aluminum to the soil because that makes the flowers a brighter blue. The flowers dry beautifully, too. They turn from sky blue to slate blue, and they make a great year-round arrangement.

You can see what they're trying to show: the first is disorganized and wanders off topic, whereas the second sticks to the topic. But the first is much more fun, right? You get a sense of this fed-up person, ready to leave winter behind and flee to someplace warm. You get a real sense of personality.

It pains me to have to be teaching people a bloodless, boring form of writing when writing--even essay writing--just doesn't have to be that way. I'm hoping maybe, after I understand what I'm doing more, I can add in some *fun* writing. Eyes on the prize, though. It's most important that they be able to pass the test. There are other people coming in who do journaling and creative writing.

¹Excerpts from Contemporary's Pre-GED: Language Arts, Writing (McGraw Hill, 2002)

Comments

[duccio.livejournal.com]

I think that after they get the basics, they will probably write with personality and wander around in an interesting way. Teaching them the "effective way" maybe is just offering them a glimpse of an alternative should they decide to be more organized and coherent. Sometimes when appropriate, that is necessary. The real creative people in the art world (in the past anyway) were grounded in a strict traditional craft basis, but they soon wandered off into something new and their own. These writers will probably be the same. A good grounding in craft and the realization that organizing the thoughts is to be considered, isn't a bad thing... but it's not the only thing either.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I agree completely that you need to learn the building blocks and theory of how to present an argument or an idea before you get to freestyling--well, I think I do, anyway--but I have my doubts, I think, in two respects.

First, I'm afraid that you may have a huge attrition rate if you render the thing you're trying to teach totally unappealing (which I fear is a risk, here--though I think even the five-paragraph essay doesn't need to be deadly boring)

Second, I'm not entirely convinced that the approach to tackling an essay (brainstorm ideas, then organize them, then write a draft, then revise it) is really the best approach. (But I think my doubts are an example of hubris: other people have taught this for AGES, and must have found that this approach does work.) My doubts are based on two thing (lots of twos in this comment, apparently): witnessing how the women I met with would have tackled the essay if left to their own devices and my own memories of how I tried to do essays when I was first learning how, in fourth grade, and how frustrated I was by the helpful techniques we were made to use.

If left to their own devices, the women I met with would--those who weren't writing-shy, anyway--have just written out their ideas as they came to them, in complete sentences. In other words, sort of an incipient rough draft. The notion of first writing down ideas, just as, say, words or phrases, was totally alien and just plain hard for them to do. Plus, when writing itself is a labor, the notion of learning a shorthand for putting down ideas--spending time doing that--and then writing the essay . . . it seems maybe like a bit of a time waste. They're getting their random thoughts down just as easily--much easier, actually--writing the incipient rough draft. Then we can work from that.

That's how my thoughts are tending, but at the same time, I realize I have no experience teaching GED essay writing, so maybe this instinct is misguided. I need to talk with the woman who's the head of the education program and see what she thinks.

Sorry to talk on at such length. Your comment gives me the opportunity to commit to written words the stuff I'm mulling over...

[green-knight.livejournal.com]

Half my friends who say they were taught the 'outline, draft, write' method say that they did it the other way round and handed in what the teacher wanted to see.

Me, I've found a disturbing amount of 'topic sentences' creeping into my fashion even though I never was taught this formally, but starting a paragraph with a summary and then expanding on it has, alas, become a habit, and not one of my better ones.

I like computers for the ability to be _flexible_ in my thinking. I can write a whole paragraph and a list of sketchy points, and I can move them around, and collapse all of them into an outline to look at that level, and pull them apart again to look at each paragraph - it's a lot easier than drafting on paper.

Having said that, I used to draft on index cards, which would allow me an approximation of this - write down an idea or a whole paragraph, shuffle them, clip three or four together if they were clearly belonging together, shuffle the blocks....

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

That's what I did! Write it the way I wanted to, and then create the so-called steps to get there.

I agree with you about computers--they really make revision so much more practical (and much less hard work).

[joycemocha.livejournal.com]

See, when it comes to formal nonfiction writing, I often outline. But I follow the inverted triangle concept for the intro paragraph (broad intro leading to the main assertion as the final sentence of the intro paragraph), followed by the three detail paragraphs, ending with the upright triangle for the conclusion (restate the thesis, then wrap it up more expansively).

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I like how visually you explain this.

I was thinking of using colors to show how the stuff in your introductory paragraph relates to the stuff in your three supporting paragraphs. In your introductory paragraph, you tell what you're going to do and you tell three ways you're going to do it: Red, yellow, blue.

Then you have a red paragraph, a yellow paragraph, and a blue paragraph. Everything in the red paragraph relates to the red thing you're doing, etc.

[muuranker.livejournal.com]

Colours linking ideas would work for me.

You could get students to highlight one-another's work, so that they could see how easy (or difficult) it was to spot what was going on.

I am one of those who wrote the plan after the essay.

Not that we (in the UK) were taught to do such essays.

There are lots (in the UK) of books and collections written by and for adult learners, and I expect that is true in the US, too, and I wonder if it would be good to share some of these with your students, to show what they could go on to do, once they've mastered the basics?

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I shall look for those sorts of books, if just to hear what adult learners think is especially effective and which things drive them nuts--thanks for the idea.

[joycemocha.livejournal.com]

My experience in teaching middle-school level remedial writing is that students really do benefit from being taught to write an introductory sentence, three detail sentences, and a conclusion or transition sentence. Often I can't even progress to paragraphs until they've learned more about writing at the sentence level, and the only way I can get that is through endless amounts of free writing plus teaching sentence diagramming so they understand what does and doesn't work.

The other factor I see is that the students struggle with beginnings and with this delusion that it has to be perfect the first time out. They have to learn that editing is not a personal attack and that rough drafts are just that--preliminary drafts that can be edited into workable reads. It often helps to model the writing process from initial composition to final draft at the paragraph level. One of the programs I like to use (which sadly is not openly available) focuses on these elements of fact paragraphs:

*Is there a topic sentence (main idea for the paragraph)?
*Do all the other sentences provide details for the topic/main idea?
*Do all the other sentences relate to the main idea?
*Is there a conclusion/transition sentence?

Teaching basic writing can be a challenge for someone for whom writing comes naturally. But once it clicks (takes time, takes learning what glitches for these writers), it can shed vast amounts of useful information which helps improve your own writing process.

The big thing when teaching remedial writing is that you have to teach your students not to be afraid of editing, in my experience. Those of us who write well also edit our own work as easily as breathing and we consider it to be part of the process. Struggling writers have to get over the concept that editing=failure.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Struggling writers have to get over the concept that editing=failure.

I could see this. There was one woman who was apologizing for everything, and I was saying "no worries, no worries," but it made me think that I need to find a way to express the business of changing stuff that doesn't make people feel like they've done something wrong.

Thanks for this. You've got lots and lots of experience. I'll stick with trying to teach this technique.

(And I agree: if something comes easily to you, sometimes that makes you not the best teacher. I'm hoping enthusiasm for the subject will help make up the difference, but I have to remember that they have nothing like the same feelings about writing that I do.)

[duccio.livejournal.com]

Well, yes. I see all of your points and (gag) they are very well organized [Joke - that was me pulling your leg]. While I was reading I thought maybe after the writers have written their essays, they perhaps could read each other's work out loud in a group, and then discuss some of the problems that might be there. They as a group, and with your support and guidance, might begin to see where they might have gone astray in their technique, and also, where they have succeeded. My experience in groups of musicians showed me the power of a group to self teach itself to a higher level of proficiency through comparison and competition; and makes me a believer in a group approach, not only a top down authority, although some authority maybe in the sense of moderator/more advanced practitioner is essential.

I think it is very special what you are doing with the prison writing classes. Your search for the right amount of technique balanced with promoting creativity and individuality I suppose is the central dilemma of every good teacher.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Sorry to be so slow in answering. I was crazy to put up three entries at once, because then I have a hard time keeping track of what comments I've answered and which ones have gotten away from me.

I'm meeting with two women at a time, so it's not quite the workshop situation, but there might be a way to get a group dynamic going all the same. One thing I was thinking of was building an essay together--where both of them contribute ideas, supporting sentences, etc.

[duccio.livejournal.com]

That cooperative idea is a very god one. Those kinds of skills of being responsible and cooperating will serve them as well as the improvement in writing skills once they get out.

Hmmm.

[jtglover.livejournal.com]

I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I agree that the writing process can work in many different ways and lead to many different sorts of essays. Being trained to ignore creative impulses is another problem that comes with the five-graf thing. On the other, I have in one position or another read way too much disorganized prose that communicates ineffectively, and for the majority of people I think that's a handicap than needs to be overcome far more urgently than their creativity needs to be sparked, at least as regards daily life. Creativity will flare, one way or another, but if you can't write a coherent cover letter... :-(

Re: Hmmm.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

That's absolutely true (ack. Hubris. What I mean is: I absolutely agree with you.)

I just wonder if there's a way of getting to organized writing that's faster and more natural. (see exceptionally long comment below-well, when/if you have time, that is)

Re: Hmmm.

[joycemocha.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's a faster and more natural way to getting there for people who aren't writers.

Re: Hmmm.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I hear you. I'm really glad you and osprey_archer and duccio and the others are commenting, because you're keeping me from making stupid mistakes, I think.

[yamamanama.livejournal.com]

I hated writing essays too. I can write fiction perfectly well, though.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

*nods*

We have to have some level of nonfiction writing ability to manage in life, but I think more people enjoy writing stories than enjoy writing essays, for sure.

[yamamanama.livejournal.com]

Like you said, we'd probably have less of a problem with essays if the format wasn't so stifling.

[osprey-archer.livejournal.com]

That paragraph is the GED's example of an ineffective paragraph? But it has a clear topic sentence! And all the other sentences relate to that topic sentence, even if they meander a bit! And they're all complete sentences! I tutored college students who couldn't write something that good.

(It does sound more like an LJ entry than a five-paragraph essay. This may be why people read LJ for fun, and no one reads five-paragraph essays unless they have to.)

Re: teaching something boring and bloodless - I feel this way sometimes in my work. The kids have to read a single passage over and over - or, for the first graders, read a sheet of unrelated words over and over - and I look at this, and I think, "This seems like an awesomely awesome way to teach them that reading is dull and miserable and repetitive."

But I think people need a certain base level of skill before they can really catch the fun in anything - reading or writing or math - and only the lucky few will reach that level spontaneously and without some boring, bloodless work.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

You and duccio are helping to ground me in the real world. And I do agree: some part of learning to write *is* going to just be hard work--if not the essay composition part, then memorizing spelling, or keeping track of whether you're writing the right "their/there/they're".

[okrablossom (from livejournal.com)]

I've been reading a lot of nonfiction recently, first time since I left school a while ago, and I've been happily surprised at the inventiveness and creativity in it. I think you could find some good essays to show them the range of the form (best science writing 2010 has a couple of shorter pieces) but I worry that if what they need to demonstrate is the 5-paragraph essay, then that's what you need to drill them on. It's a good structure to break out of, once they own it.

Apologies if all your other commenters have already said this!

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

No worries; we're all exploring different aspects of this. And yeah, this is where I'm at right now: they really *do* need to learn to do this form, because this is what they'll be judged on. But yeah--I'd like them to know there are more possibilities out there....

[joycemocha.livejournal.com]

The five paragraph essay is just a beginning form. Those who have writing voices will manage to express them even within its limitations, and you can always continue to point out that this is just a start.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I'm also really wishing I had more time to offer. I'm only going in for two three-hour sessions a month, currently. (I can't do more...must earn my living...)

[joycemocha.livejournal.com]

Given that I have students who can't even come close to the "ineffective" essay*, I have to admit that teaching the bland five paragraph essay has its purposes. The five paragraph essay format is just a beginning. Granted, for example purposes, it would have been better to show the same writer/paragraph in "ineffective/effective" format to demonstrate the differences, because the voices of the two writers are clearly different (as well as being two entirely different types of essay--the first is clearly a "how-to/why," the second is a memoir). Showing the same paragraph in ineffective/effective modes would also serve to teach editing, which is a key point in teaching beginning writers.

*I wish my students could come even close to this "ineffective" writer in expressing themselves! Seriously. Instead it's maybe four or five word sentences, usually beginning with "I" and a "to be" verb construction.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

There was a worksheet we also had to do on there/they're/their. In the last part, the students just had to make up three sentences that used "they're." They were stumped by the open-endedness of this after the very rigid and controlled rest of the worksheet, so I suggested they try answering the question "What are they doing?" And it was interesting, because most of them just wrote "They're X" and then "They're Y" but one woman wrote, "I wonder where they're going?" (varying the pattern), and another woman wanted to add more on so she didn't just have "They're [present participle]"

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

I'm going to have to echo a lot of comments here and say that the difference between the "ineffective" and the "effective" paragraph would not have registered in any class I have taught (out of context, at least) sufficiently to have changed the students' respective grades. If the rest of the "ineffective" paragraph were as or more disorganized, it might have lost a few points, but at worst, assuming that the "ineffective" one falls apart a little and the "effective" one stays just as organized, we're looking at the difference between (at worst) a C+ and an A-; I get the implication that the "ineffective" paragraph is supposed to be failing, when it's not. It's not excellently organized, and, if that is the primary grading criteria, then, no, it would not fare as well.

It does leave me with two disturbing thoughts, though. "Ineffective" sounds a lot like the way I write, and I must have been a very lax teacher...

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

See, I think the five-paragraph essay is a little world unto itself, and writing a good five paragraph essay doesn't bear a whole lot of resemblance to writing a truly excellent long piece of expository writing. I mean, I don't think a George Orwell essay fits the five-paragraph rubric.

This isn't to say that the five-paragraph essay is useless: I do accept and agree with what Joyce is saying about organizing one's thoughts. But. In the great wide world out there, we probably none of us want to be stuck reading, or writing, five-paragraph essays.

I like the humor of that first one a whole lot--I like the bit about wanting to move to Florida. But I guess from the grader's perspective, it loses the thread of "How to prepare your car for winter"

[cucumberseed.livejournal.com]

The five paragraph essay doesn't really exist in the wild, but it is a good length for organizing thoughts, following a through-line with enough room to "wiggle" but not so much that you have to make things up that throw off the balance. Also, you can correct a hundred of them on a single bottle of wine, and that is probably the biggest reason why they exist.

[noachoc.livejournal.com]

Have I linked you to this before?

http://noachoc.livejournal.com/522428.html

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I don't think so--I will read it!

[sovay]

Snow becomes dirty slush, and every time a truck passes you, slush winds up on your windshield. I'm thinking of moving to Florida to avoid the whole hassle.

The problem with the ineffective essay is that it's a great monologue.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

It really is. And I was merciful here in picking the two samples for contrast. There was one so-called effective paragraph that described how to connect a telephone answering machine. Now admittedly, nothing can make directions interesting to read, and you definitely do want your directions to be well organized, but.... if you include well-written directions as a "good" example and the above monologue as a "bad" example, you are seriously undermining your message.

ETA: I take it back. Even instructions can be made interesting. I'm just thinking of the possibilities now. Sadly, most appliance manufacturers don't have much sense of play...

[ann-leckie.livejournal.com]

I am baffled at the "ineffective" essay being called ineffective, and kind of sad, too. I mean, I agree that for a first step in organizing ideas, the five-para essay can (ought to be?) helpful, but I myself hated using it and always got my best grades when I violated it and just wrote stuff. So if the purpose of the exercise is to teach people to organize their thoughts, it doesn't matter much if "ineffective" para openings don't match the prescribed format so long as the whole essay works, and this example with its "ineffective" tag implies to me that grading isn't actually based on effective writing so much as how well it fits a checklist. Which, I get that you need rubrics and all, but it seems like missing the point to me. And since these women need to pass the test, they have to write like that no matter what. Judging by those samples, something brilliant, clear, and effective that didn't have a thesis sentence, three paras each with its point, and a conclusion wouldn't pass. Bleah.

I did, by the way, once see a five para essay almost in the wild, but it made me feel sorry for the writer. It was a college newspaper movie review. In five para format. Only "almost" in the wild because, college paper, writer clearly fresh from Ecomp.

I'm not a hundred percent certain the method of outlining-prewriting, etc is particularly effective. It never was for me. But I'm not sure what would be more effective. I do think the color idea might help, and maybe also some amount of just plain "You put words down on paper and just get used to doing that." Which is, I suspect, part of the problem. How much extra work or extra credit can you give them? Can you add journaling to the class just to get people used to turning their thoughts into sentences on paper? Would that help? I don't know.

Anyway. Last year I read on the history of Ecomp and the five para essay--it was a fascinating book and gave me a new perspective on the "kids aren't learning to write in school anymore!" crap that comes up over and over again.

http://books.google.com/books?id=5SRDicjOYxkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=composition+rhetoric+backgrounds&hl=en&sa=X&ei=uTkMT8DKMfL2sQLqhrz2BQ&ved=0CDUQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=composition%20rhetoric%20backgrounds&f=false

It probably won't help you with your students, but I recommend reading it. If nothing else for the story about how ecomp programs got started. In the late 1800s Harvard decided to have a written entrance exam for the first time. And lots and lots of prospective students--upper class young men who, presumably, had the best tutors money could buy and all sorts of advantages--failed. Couldn't write to save their lives. Moral panic ensues. Temporary remedial writing class is established. A hundred and fifty years later, it's spread to nearly every USAn college and people still grouse about how no one learns to write in school anymore.

I don't know if your students would find that story helpful or not, whether it would matter to them that it's not just them, it's pretty much everyone who finds this difficult, even rich kids who expect to go to Harvard, even a hundred years ago.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I think it's fascinating that America has despaired of its young people's writing ability for 150 years! I wonder if it's part of a general this-age-is-doomed mentality that seems ever present (someone on my friends list at one point linked to a Babylonian document, a dad writing to his profligate son: young people today! I tell you! Not like in *my* day...) For writing in particular it's interesting because the writing of the average person of 150 years ago, as presented to us in, say, Ken Burns's Civil War documentary, by and large impresses us. So somehow there's a disconnect.

Thanks for the link to the book-I'll take a look.