asakiyume | "A Turtle in Love, Singing," by Tara Campbell

I read this sweet, weird, hilarious story yesterday, and now I want to become a traveling doctor, using this story as my patent medicine. "Lifts moods and births laughter, guaranteed to leave you feeling better than you started." It's "A Turtle in Love, Singing," by Tara Campbell, in Bourbon Penn, a new-to-me zine.

The story is in the form of police reports from the hapless Green Lake Police, who deal with a string of odd encounters, beginning with a disgruntled pelican or perhaps pelicans, sighted near the public restrooms in the southeast area of the lake. This is followed by the discovery of a patch of carnivorous plants resembling Audrey from "The Little Shop of Horrors" and then a lion leaning against a naked woman, and it goes on.

One of the charming things in these reports is how the police always advise residents to leave the oddities alone and/or just give them their space--for example, regarding the lion and the woman:

To repeat: no one has been harmed, no one appears to be in danger. Citizens are advised to stay clear and just let them have their moment. There is no need to keep calling the Green Lake Police about this unless the situation changes.

At one point the Green Lake Police receive "reports of a rainbow pegasus unicorn in the vicinity of the Bathhouse Theater." However ...

Officers sent to investigate were only mildly disappointed to find that the intriguingly improbable creature was, in fact, not a pegasus, nor a unicorn, but an inflatable personal raft floating on the lake. Officers did report, however, that the rainbow description only applied to certain sections of the floatation device, and on the whole, the design was a rather more pink-forward affair.

An encounter with a seven-foot raven prompts introspection and an apology for cultural insensitivity:

Here the desk officer might have overstepped a bit by bringing Raven’s trickster reputation into the discussion, even if simply to deny that it played a role. Green Lake Police leadership has taken note of our insufficient protocols for working with mythical members of the public. Green Lake Police leadership hopes that this can be a teachable moment, and promises that new protocols will be crafted at the regional level, in conjunction with tribal representatives, who would likely have used a more appropriate word than “mythical” in this alert.

All the unusual beings encountered end up interweaving and connecting in satisfying ways, with the turtle in love, singing, representing a pleasing culmination.

Enjoy!