Having people treat you well to your face and give you something substandard is just awful. It HURTS that this is reality.
I ache for you having to deploy a smile and wide eyes to deflect accusations of she-started-it, and I know from my melanin-rich friend who's had to deal with all kinds of racism at work how people will STILL say you started it--no matter how blandly pleasant you try to be. And that's just evil and wrong.
When I talk about bringing the bad, though, what I mean is that I don't want to be saying (metaphorically speaking) to people "I expect the worst from you." I want to leave people room to be--and in fact, insist with my behavior that they *will* be--their best possible selves. But that's not a viable course of action for a lot of people in a lot of situations--FOR REAL. I recognize that. (Or it could be in some situations but not others, etc.)
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momijizukamori
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Date: 2020-02-10 08:18 pm (UTC)I ache for you having to deploy a smile and wide eyes to deflect accusations of she-started-it, and I know from my melanin-rich friend who's had to deal with all kinds of racism at work how people will STILL say you started it--no matter how blandly pleasant you try to be. And that's just evil and wrong.
When I talk about bringing the bad, though, what I mean is that I don't want to be saying (metaphorically speaking) to people "I expect the worst from you." I want to leave people room to be--and in fact, insist with my behavior that they *will* be--their best possible selves. But that's not a viable course of action for a lot of people in a lot of situations--FOR REAL. I recognize that. (Or it could be in some situations but not others, etc.)