Asakiyume mita

One of the problems with our culture only liking to show the beginning of relationships is that the range of potential changes is not for whatever reason considered a fit topic for most stories the way that the initial rush is.

I think our literature *does* talk about this, but only when it becomes a problem--and generally only in lit fic. Hence the endless parade of stories of midlife marriage problems.

I think what our culture does have a problem with the dynamism of relationships. As you say, there's a tendency to reduce everything to one, or maybe two, axes, or to talk about differences as if they were all concrete and easily articulable, rather than vague and hard to pin down. And it's not just that people change over time, but that approaches to problems change over time. It's not a matter of just internalizing "we need to remember to talk to each other" or "my partner needs space when things are difficult" [or: "my partner needs me close by when things are difficult"]--you can't relax into just one way of dealing with things. And yet self-help relationship books will tout one technique as a cure-all for ever, and dreary lit fic novels about midlife relationship doldrums will present characters finding one solution. You always should be prepared to look for new solutions, because you, both singularly and as a couple, are always changing.


... In spite of what I said earlier in the comment, I do think a lot of stories do do what you say, and focus on the initial rush, and I do empathize with this. There are some series--ones that aren't particularly oriented around romantic relationships--that I've loved the first book (or movie) of, but then lost interest in as the worldbuilding closed in around me. I liked all that open potentiality; I liked where my imagination was free to roam, but subsequent stories limited that. And I think maybe there's something of that in ending a story right at the beginning of a long-term relationship. That initial rush can be understood regardless of how the relationship is going to grow, but as it grows, it's going to be a unique thing, and will probably speak eloquently to fewer people.