know from my melanin-rich friend who's had to deal with all kinds of racism at work how people will STILL say you started it--no matter how blandly pleasant you try to be.
*alughs bitterly* True, true.
what I mean is that I don't want to be saying (metaphorically speaking) to people "I expect the worst from you." I want to leave people room to be--and in fact, insist with my behavior that they *will* be--their best possible selves.
*nod* In a weird contrapositive way I have to do this too, or rather, act like it, because the *moment* someone like me hints that I might not trust that the other person is Benevolent In All Ways, they may take that Dastardly Insult as an excuse to become terrible. But/and I also see what you mean here, that you want to approach situations openheartedly in the expectation that being trusted will generate trust from the other person. I try to, and try to try to, do that when dealing with people I don't have as much to fear from.
no subject
*alughs bitterly* True, true.
what I mean is that I don't want to be saying (metaphorically speaking) to people "I expect the worst from you." I want to leave people room to be--and in fact, insist with my behavior that they *will* be--their best possible selves.
*nod* In a weird contrapositive way I have to do this too, or rather, act like it, because the *moment* someone like me hints that I might not trust that the other person is Benevolent In All Ways, they may take that Dastardly Insult as an excuse to become terrible. But/and I also see what you mean here, that you want to approach situations openheartedly in the expectation that being trusted will generate trust from the other person. I try to, and try to try to, do that when dealing with people I don't have as much to fear from.