asakiyume: created by the ninja girl (corvus corone)
asakiyume ([personal profile] asakiyume) wrote2008-10-29 09:40 am

not waving or drowning

Can't quite manage anything it seems, not even LJ posts.

My grandmother is 102; she broke her hip and is recovering. I went to visit her on Monday. We held hands, and she told me over and over what a wonderful day it was, how she was going to remember it for ever and ever and never forget, how people never forget things. She has senile dementia and is troubled by forgetting, but I knew what she was saying--she was glad not to have been forgotten in the hospital and wanted always to hold this moment.

Me too. It feels so strange to be smiling and to feel full of love and to be constantly blinking back tears. I wanted to hold her tight and make the whole world disappear; we could just be sitting somewhere Else, in the sun, just chatting. For ever and ever and ever.

I haven't been up to much since then. When I came home, the double CD Awake My Soul/Help Me To Sing was waiting for me, and never has shape-note singing felt more right. These hymns know all about loss and suffering and mysteries. One day maybe I'll post a review, but at the rate I'm going, maybe not.

Oh but that little girl on the cover (this little girl)? Her name turns out to be Lorraine Miles. The liner notes said so.

I have a short Halloween story for you all, but at the rate I'm going, that will not see the light of day either.

Also, the youngest of the forest creatures is plagued by a high fever, and in my dark mood this worries me, though we've done all the precautionary things we normally do.

Also, family obligation. My sister practically airlifted me a birthday present, and the message I got from that was that I had jolly well better not neglect hers, since these things mean a lot more to her than to me. I've made her a little something--dried apple slices, including from Golden Russet apples, that, my apple book tells me, are especially prized by a cider mill near her place--and so now I had better airlift them to her or they won't make it in time.

And work, yes, that... must get to it.

What shall I do? Shall I lie down
And sink in deep despair?
Will He forever frown,
Nor hear my feeble prayer?
No; he will put His strength in me,
He knows the way I've strolled,
And when I'm tried sufficiently
I shall come forth as gold.

--from "Columbus," no. 67; Tune: Columbian Harmony, 1829; Words: Anon., found in Mercer's Cluster, 1823

[identity profile] redcoast.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 04:53 am (UTC)(link)
People with appendicitis have this particular way of reacting when you push on their stomachs, which is why I didn't think he had it. Wow, the emergency room. I don't think we've taken a kid there since Mary Grace got her foot stuck in the door.

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 04:54 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks C. Thought of you a lot today. Hope you're feeling better too, soon.

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 04:59 am (UTC)(link)
He did react that way when I pushed his stomach! That's why I took him. But it wasn't a true appendicitis-level bad, turns out. But two of Waka's siblings had appendicitis in their childhoods, and Waka himself had a "grumbling appendix" (not serious enough to need to be removed), and I had another friend who just put up with the pain as a kid, and then was hospitalized for a month with a ruptured appendix.... blah blah. I'm glad he didn't have it, though, for sure.

[identity profile] origa.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 05:04 am (UTC)(link)
(with apology for cutting in) You hate birthdays? :)))

Even they keep coming so fast, and I wish they slow down a little -- still, it's me, it's part of my life, and can't imagine hating my life, or any part of it... for better or for worse :)

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 05:07 am (UTC)(link)
"Hate" is probably too strong a word--thank you for the kind wishes ♥

[identity profile] origa.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 05:12 am (UTC)(link)
I remember you told about your grandmother before... It's good that she is happy, and you can see her and hold her... My great-grandmother lived 100 years, and I remember talking with her when she was about 99 (then I moved to other part of the country) -- she still had a perfectly clear mind, and remembered most of her life! Can you imagine? It was as if I was listening to a "history lessons" from a real witness... or something like that :)

I wish you have a brighter days soon, dear Francesca! Sorry for not answering your every post (as I wish I would! they are so warm and beautiful, and fascinating!) -- I hope I can catch up on many of them soon :)

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 05:18 am (UTC)(link)
Don't ever feel guilty about not answering every post, truly. I don't answer all of yours, and it's not because I'm uninterested, but that life sometimes seems overwhelming, etc. Come and go when you can, as if we're passing in the street and stop to talk. If you miss one entry, there will always be another one. I believe in your friendship :-)

[identity profile] origa.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 05:24 am (UTC)(link)
It's not about feeling guilty -- it's about missing something really beautiful: your expressing your heart, your vision of the world, and our communication... I am sorry that it is impossible to embrace everything, the whole world, the unembraceble ...

(*hug*)

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 05:30 am (UTC)(link)
((hugs))

[identity profile] i-am-sarah.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 07:56 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sad that you're sad. I hope you are happier soon, but it's good to not ignore your feelings. Your grandma is in my thoughts/prayers, and so are you and your little forest creature :) I read on facebook that your little boy doesn't have appendicitis, so YAY for that! I hope he feels better soon. Fevers are miserable things!

Lots of hugs for you :)

[identity profile] beraht.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 12:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Call me Robert if you like. Or at least Aes. Calling me Aesiron is like calling me "Sir" or "Mr Deaver". :p

[identity profile] b-oki.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 03:25 pm (UTC)(link)
God bless you and your dear grandmother.

Hope youngest forest creature is better today.

Your words have greatly touched me. Thank you. {{{ WARM HUGS}}}

"Me too. It feels so strange to be smiling and to feel full of love and to be constantly blinking back tears. I wanted to hold her tight and make the whole world disappear; we could just be sitting somewhere Else, in the sun, just chatting. For ever and ever and ever."

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 03:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you Bette! He is actually feeling much, much better today--still has a fever, but lower.

[identity profile] jugduf.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 05:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Man, everyone's pretty sad right now...

I'll be coming by tomorrow, sometime between 1 and 5. Hope the youngest is doing ok.

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 05:39 pm (UTC)(link)
He's a lot better--still has a fever, but not as high. I'm feeling better today.

Can you guys man the door for trick or treaters, if I need to take S to Rag Shag?

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-30 09:02 pm (UTC)(link)
I kinda like "Aes"--but Robert is good too.

[identity profile] teenybuffalo.livejournal.com 2008-10-31 05:34 am (UTC)(link)
*hugs too*

You're already gold.

I hope the angel is feeling all right now.

Happy birthday, friend Asakiyume!

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-31 05:46 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks for the birthday wishes. The angel is feeling much better and doesn't have appendicitis, which yesterday I thought he had, so that's good. He still has a fever, but today he no longer has stomach pains and he does have an appetite, which he didn't before, so that's definite improvement.

I'm feeling much better, myself, today :-)

[identity profile] salyey-marya.livejournal.com 2008-10-31 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
your grandmother has lived such a long life! don't be sad for her. i hope she would not have much pains because of her hip. it is good to have emotions. life is like that. you live, feel joy and sadness, tears in both.

I wanted to hold her tight and make the whole world disappear; we could just be sitting somewhere Else, in the sun, just chatting. For ever and ever and ever.

beautiful. thank you for sharing.
*hugs*

[identity profile] salyey-marya.livejournal.com 2008-10-31 07:44 pm (UTC)(link)
oh, and happy birthday to you, friend!

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-31 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you :-)

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-10-31 08:23 pm (UTC)(link)
:-)

[identity profile] asakiyume.livejournal.com 2008-11-01 06:01 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks Sarah--I really appreciated your notes on Facebook too. His fever went down today, and I let him go out trick-or-treating. (Then he was exhausted and fell right asleep)

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